According to child development experts; In a house with two children, there are three parents, not two, as it is thought.
Apart from the mother and father, another parent who shapes the child's world of thought and is a very important factor for the development of his personality is the first child. In fact, the most influential parent influencing and determining the behavioral characteristics of the child is the older sibling.
Experts advise to be very careful in this regard. While the mother and father are trying to make the child a self-confident individual, the younger sibling can become an introverted and insecure individual due to the jealousy and despotic attitudes of the older sibling. Experts state that this issue is very important in child personal development.
Children who do not want to share their belongings and parents with others are very psychologically destroyed and unhappy when they hear that they will have a sibling.
The most important thing is that parents who are considering more than one child should be prepared for this situation and get used to sharing their babies during their growing up period. This is a behavior that all parents, not just those who think of more than one child, should make a habit of and explain that it is best to share.
When the child learns that he will have a sibling, he may become a jealous and restless, unhappy child with the stress of having to share everything he does not want to share. The most troublesome situation is the fear of losing their parents' love and attention. The decrease in the time allocated to him after he has a sibling can become a child against his sibling. The biggest factor for the child to adopt this psychology is the feelings of anger and resentment that he will begin to feel towards his parents. A young child may have to face feelings such as loneliness, abandonment, insecurity, which are his greatest fears. No matter how old he is, he may be an insecure child who acts like a baby, hurts his sibling, exhibits aggressive behavior and cries all the time because he thinks that when he acts like his brother, he will be the center of attention again.
At this stage, it is argued that parents should get the support of a professional Psychologist and that the child should be told what actually happened in a language that he or she can understand.
What are the Ways to Avoid Sibling Jealousy?
1- First of all, parents should approach more maturely, not worried, as they will make the child feel anxious and timid. Remember that you are the role models of your children. If you are anxious and timid, your child will psychologically take on the same mood and may internalize the situation too much. This causes the child to become depressed, to be more timid and fragile, and even to grow up as an introverted child.
2- When your older child comes to see his brother, instead of showing his brother to him, you should hug the older child first and tell him how much you love him.
3- The first encounter, before you introduce your child to your baby, you can say that his brother bought him a gift by buying a gift. Subconsciously, it will not be a feeling of jealousy or inability to share with him, but to feel that his parents still love him and to make him feel that his brother is thinking of him too.
4- If your older child will not be able to come to the hospital for a while, call often and video call. Tell him how much you miss him or how much you love him. I made sure that our brother came to the hospital during the pandemic period. The hospital did not accept it, but I told the hospital management that we have no relatives to take care of our child. In this way, we did not separate our brother. Always together.
5- If you send your child home from the hospital, do not make him think that he is not wanted. However, if your older child is sick, you can explain how risky it is for you to be sick instead of saying that it will not be good for your sibling to stay. He should not feel that you want to send him for his brother.
6- You can make up for the absence of the mother's inability to get the necessary care while she is in the hospital by doing her favorite activities. If he wants to go to the cinema, you can take him to the cinema, if he wants to go to the park, you can take him to the park. The biggest mistake you will make in this process is to leave your child to spend time with relatives or homes that they do not like to spend time with. (Like neighbor, grandmother, aunt, uncle…)
7- Even if your child has a sibling now, do not burden him with responsibilities that will scare him. It will not be the right time to confront that you are an older sister, you are an older brother, and that he is out of childhood. No matter how big of a sister or brother your child is, remember that he is still a child.
8- In a polite language, warn the guests who come to see your baby not to make any statements that will make your older child feel that they are no longer loved or unloved as before.
9- Let the guests show interest in the older child first and then tell them to take care of your baby.
10- Do not interfere with your child's life. Let him do activities under control again, spend time with you again, and misbehave again. Do not take too much time or too much attention from your child for the time you will devote to your baby. Never direct all your attention to the baby.
11- Do not act too worried and keep your baby away from your older child. He will also need to spend time with his brother. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Thanks to Psychology Experts, I got back from this mistake quickly.